I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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