I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
