There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
