i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
