We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize