sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I can text with my tongue
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
