Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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