He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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