his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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