I'm eating all of the evidence.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
