It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
