This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
