He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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