OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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