kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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