sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
