you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize