You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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