I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
