The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
