fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize