i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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