last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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