Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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