I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
