I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
