and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
