You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He better not be in your backpack
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
