I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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