Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
