The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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