I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
