I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
