it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
