It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
