It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
