Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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