dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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