They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
