I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
