At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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