Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
