I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
