Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i think i just lost a toe
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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