am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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