Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
