I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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