You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
