Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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