I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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