dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
