He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
