dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
