Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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