carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
