His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
false alarm, still single
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
