I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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