I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
