forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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