Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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