I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
