She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
