If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
