i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
