To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
