he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
