If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
