She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize