Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
pray to the hookup gods
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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