I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize