who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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