just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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