So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
