When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
