that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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