i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
