I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
