Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.

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(805): View more from California

i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.

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(562): View more from California

Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.

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(954): View more from Florida

In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.

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