my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
