I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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