You're completely useless in the revolution.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
