He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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