i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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