You can't special order awesome
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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