I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
