dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
