Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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