hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
