this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
