she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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