He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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