You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
