so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
