Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
