omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
