Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
