We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Holy sore nipples Batman
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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