We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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